A Letter to Myself - New Year's Reflection

January 6, 2020

A letter to myself - A 2019 Reflection

Rachel,

It’s startling how days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and then before you know it another YEAR passes in the blink of an eye. As 2020 begins you’ve never felt so confident in who you need to be, yet you know you’re actually not the one driving this ship. This year didn’t necessarily speed by for you but it definitely marked a HUGE turning point in your life. 2019 was probably the hardest year you’ve ever faced because you decided to stop your current track in order to start choosing joy in your life and in your home. Like a derailed train, there was a ton of force pushing back for the new direction but it didn’t make it impossible! You truly believe 2019 put your life in place for what is coming in 2020 - like training a racehorse to then put them in the starting gate. The anticipation is real!

When talking about the year 2019 it only makes sense to start from the beginning. After a hard pregnancy you’re going to meet the sweetest baby boy and you’re going to (reluctantly) name him Otis. He will have your blue eyes and thick blonde hair but there’s no denying he’s his daddy’s. You’ll love his sweet giggle and big smile. You’ll learn the joys and challenges of having two babies instead of just one but it will be amazing how much love you have for them. You’ll enjoy watching Sophia blossom into the best big sister you’ve ever seen and your priorities will shift as your home welcomes another sweet soul to raise. This will really set the stage for 2019...

You’re going to know the darkness of postpartum depression but you have the upper hand. You’re going to learn to press through the hard days and the absolute necessity of starting your day with prayer - you cannot do this alone. Parenting two and being who you need to be doesn’t always come naturally, there will be days that feel impossible but you get through and  you will get stronger. It won’t happen overnight but you will learn the new territory of being a mother of two and you will forget what it feels like for anything different. Growing pains are tough but you’re tougher; and so is your faith!

You’re going to get the strength to follow your heart entirely - it will be scary but so worth it! You end up quitting your teaching job that you wanted so so badly. Remember all those sleepless nights fighting to be a teacher? Yeah, you end up quitting for the greater good of your family right now. This season of life is exciting but oh-so-intimidating. You’ll learn to fully rely on your faith and it will work out just as you’d prayed. Just hang on tight!

You’ll get to document the most amazing sessions and weddings this year, it’s going to be everything you dreamed of! Seriously, you will feel like your in “your element” and it will be the most refreshing part of your weeks to get out of the house and do something you love. It’s amazing how God opens doors when others close. There will be times that you stretch yourself too thin in hopes of pleasing others - you’ll learn that boundaries are part of self care as well as putting your family first during this season. You’ll never see it coming but you’ll have some once-in-a-lifetime experiences and you’ll even make new friends. The words “no” and “yes” will never have seemed so clear after this year.

2019 has grown you, stretched you, and enriched you more than you ever could have seen coming, but only to fully believe something even bigger is right around the corner. Here’s to 2020!

Xoxo, Rachel